This is it. This is blogging.
So here I am, sitting in a towel on the couch, watching The Devil Wears Prada and doing my best to psych myself up to write this.
If you know me at all, you know that the idea of starting a blog (or a website for that matter) is terrifying to me. I have so many little voices in my mind saying things like
“You’ll never keep up with it.”
“You don’t have anything original to offer.”
“You don’t know what you are doing.”
“Who cares what you have to say?”
“Does anyone even read blogs anymore?”?
And so on and so forth until the cows come home.
I’m also 90% sure that I have some kind of force field that renders all technology around me incapable. Phones, laptops, and tablets freeze, and malfunction, and burst into flames in my hands (ok that last one isn’t true, but I do always manage to knock out the wifi somehow where ever I go).
Social Media overwhelms me, and yet, I’m in a constant battle with myself not to spend all of my time scrolling through stranger’s instagrams. I watch pimple popping videos before I go to bed at night, but I’m convinced I have nothing to offer, nothing important enough for a global scale.
And that’s where my mind stops.
That’s as far as I get each time I try this.
But that’s not what I’m supposed to say here right? I’m supposed to have a turn, a twist, a light bulb moment. I’m supposed to say “This is how I felt or what happened or how I was wrong, BUT NOW things are different and I am brave and strong and proud! My morning matcha, and reiki healing, and vedic chart have changed all of my fears and opinions about blogging and the internet and technology in general.”
That’s what it takes to be inspirational right? To build an audience and and get a book deal? Isn’t that the point?
Ok, that sounded cynical and I feel bad. What I’m trying to say is that I have complicated opinions and feelings about this highly technical and ever connected world that we live in (as we all do about most things in this great big universe).
I love matcha, and energy healing has helped me a lot over the last few years, and I’ve actually been doing a lot of reading about Vedic Astrology; I’m Aries Rising. But even through all of that, I am still terrified of this.
And I guess that’s where my turning point comes in.
You see I turned 29 this year and I decided that my intention for the year was to be more vulnerable, to “crack my heart wide open” (to quote my own instagram). So I guess that’s why I’m here. Why I’m typing this stream of conscious diatribe while my heart beats out of my chest instead of brushing my teeth or hair even though it’s almost noon.
*I’m not sure I’ll keep up with it.
*I don’t know that I’ll write anything you can’t read somewhere else.
*I don’t know what I’m doing and *maybe no one cares.
But here I am.
Now lets see if I can tackle that pesky PUBLISH button…